Memorize a funny Ogden Nash poem

American Poet Ogden Nash was born in 1902 and died in 1971. Some of his short humorous poems are included here.

A Word to Husbands

To keep your marriage brimming
 with love in the loving cup,
 Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;

Whenever you’re right, shut up.

 

Celery

Celery, raw
 develops the jaw,

But celery, stewed,
 is more quietly chewed.

 

The Fly

The Lord in His wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.

 

Song of the Open Road

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree.

Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I’ll never see a tree at all.

 

The Ostrich

The ostrich roams the great Sahara. 
Its mouth is wide, its neck is narra. 
It has such long and lofty legs, 
I’m glad it sits to lay its eggs.

 

The Cat

The trouble with a kitten is THAT

Eventually it becomes a 
CAT.

 

The Abominable Snowman

I’ve never seen an abominable snowman,

I’m hoping not to see one, 
I’m also hoping, if I do,

That it will be a wee one.

 

The Guppy

Whales have calves, 
Cats have kittens, 
Bears have cubs,

Bats have bittens, 
Swans have cygnets, 
Seals have puppies,

But guppies just have little guppies.

 

The Parent

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore,

And that’s what parents were created for.

 

The Germ

A mighty creature is the germ,

Though smaller than the pachyderm.

His customary dwelling place 
is deep within the human race.

His childish pride he often pleases 
by giving people strange diseases.

Do you, my poppet, feel infirm? 
You probably contain a germ.

 

Requiem

There was a young belle of Natchez

Whose garments were always in patchez.

When comment arose

On the state of her clothes,

She drawled, When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez!

 

Carlotta

There was an old man in a trunk.

Who inquired of his wife, “Am I drunk?”

She replied with regret, “I’m afraid so, my pet.”

And he answered, “It’s just as I thunk.”

 

The Hunter

The hunter crouches in his blind,

‘Neath camouflage of every kind,

And conjures up a quacking noise

To lend allure to his decoys

This grown-up man, with pluck and luck

Is hoping to outwit a duck

 

The Termite

Some primal termite knocked on wood 
And tasted it, and found it good!

And that is why your Cousin May 
Fell through the parlor floor today.

 

The Dog

The truth I do not stretch or shove

When I state that the dog is full of love.

I’ve also found, by actual test,

A wet dog is the lovingest.

 

The Duck

Behold the duck. 
It does not cluck. 
A cluck it lacks. 
It quacks.

It is specially fond of a puddle or pond.

When it dines or sups, 
It bottoms ups.

 

The Catsup Bottle

First a little,

Then a lottle.

 

Fleas

Adam had’em

 

The Pig

The pig, if I am not mistaken,

Supplies us sausage, ham and bacon.

Let others say his hert is big –

I call it stupid of the pig.

 

The Hunter

The hunter crouches in his blind

‘Neath camouflage of every kind,

And conjures up a quacking noise

To lend allure to his decoys.

This grown-up man, with pluck and luck

Is hoping to outwit a duck.

 

The Middle

When I remember bygone days

I think how evening follows morn;

So many I loved were not yet dead,

So many I love were not yet born.

 

I Didn’t Go to Church Today

I Didn’t Go to Church Today

I trust the Lord to understand.

The surf was swirling blue and white,

The children swirling on the sand.

He knows, He knows how brief my stay,

How brief this spell of summer weather,

He knows when I am said and done

We’ll have plenty of time together.

 

I love Me

I’m always my own best cheerer;

Myself I satisfy

Till I take a look in the mirror

And see things I to I.

 

The Plight of the Pelican

A wonderful bird is the pelican,

His bill will hold more than his belican;

He takes in his beak enough food for a week,

But I’m damned if I see how the helican.